USS American Pie

Written by Wilco and all credit for these lyrics goes to him:


A long, long time ago,
I can still remember,
How a promotion used to make me smile.

And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could make some Klingons dance,
And maybe we’d be at war for a while.

But the Ikarans made me shiver,
With every round that I delivered.
Bad news on the mail term,
God, will I ever learn?

I can’t remember if I cried,
When all the other old folks died.
But something touched me deep inside.
The day the MUSEic died.

So bye, bye, USS American Pie.
Drove my shuttle to the puddle but the puddle was dry.
And my old CO was drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing, “Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”
“Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”

Well, did you write the Starfleet Regs,
Or was some admiral, stuck in the dregs,
Of a really dead-end career?

Ah…do you believe in hit and fade?
Can a cloak turn your ship into a shade?
And can you tell me if the Fleet will get paa-aaid?

Well, I know that you’re here to have some fun,
But, will you go on having some?
When you’re lagging at the nav?
They say that Stellar Runs are bad, oo-ooh,

I was a lonely teenage space Cadet,
With a comm, tricorder and a shirt that’s red,
But I knew that my buds were dead,
The day the MUSEic died.

We were singing,
Bye, bye, USS American Pie.
Drove my shuttle to the puddle but the puddle was dry.
And my old CO was drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing, “Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”
“Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”

Now for thirty years, I’ve been in the ‘fleet,
Served through rain, hail, some snow and sleet,
But that’s not how it used to be.

When the Fleet Admiral reported to the President,
Who secured his teeth with Fix-O-Dent,
He had some policies, that were, really ben-en-en-t!

Oh, and, when our ships were all shot down,
The FA’s particles were scattered around.
His reign, early, was adjourned,
For no pieces of him could be returned, oo-ooh,

And while Brody read a book on Morse,
We towed our ships using a horse,
And some fool broke an SFA course,
The day the MUSEic died.

We started singing,
Bye, bye, USS American Pie.
Drove my shuttle to the puddle but the puddle was dry.
And my old CO was drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing, “Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”
“Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”

Helter, skelter, head into the shelter!
A fusion reactor is going to melt-er!
Ten thousand C and rising faaa-aaaaa-ast!

And landed, down, right on the grass.
A Cadet hoped for a fifty pass,
With Commandants plowing shuttles into a mass!

Now, the air circulation filled with perfume,
As some Captain’s sanity flew to the moon,
We all got out the fans,
Ooh, but we soon all were canned, ooh,

Because the Ikarans tried to take some space.
They nearly killed the human race,
But we ripped off their big, collective face,
The day the MUSEic died.

We were singing,
Bye, bye, USS American Pie.
Drove my shuttle to the puddle but the puddle was dry.
And my old CO was drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing, “Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”
“Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”

Now, we are all stuck in one place.
A generation, of TOS Space,
With the new version delayed again!

So come on!
Banneker captured, Saratoga’s a Bic,
Excalibur got blown to matchsticks, ’cause
Phaser fire is not a Feddie’s friend!

Oh, and as I watched the crew all die,
Down to every single gal and guy,
No Feddie born near Sol,
Could reduce the death toll, ooh,

And as the explosions filled perpetual night,
To light the entire system bright,
I saw Klingons laughing with delight,
The day the MUSEic died.

We started singing,
Bye, bye, USS American Pie.
Drove my shuttle to the puddle but the puddle was dry.
And my old CO was drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing, “Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”
“Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”

I met a girl who gave me time of day.
But before I could, get her to mate,
She just smiled and got blown away.

I went down to the old Academy,
Where so many youth have gone ka-blammy,
But the Commandant, said Security, was okay-ay-ay-ay-ay…

And in the streets some phasers screamed.
Some people died, and some people bleed.
A lot of words were spoken.
But the political process was broken.

And the three men I admire most,
Falkenberg, Brody, and the mighty Morse,
They caught the last transport for another host.
The day the MUSEic died.

Well, bye, bye, USS American Pie.
Drove my shuttle to the puddle but the puddle was dry.
And my old CO was drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing, “Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”
“Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”

They were singing,
Bye, bye, USS American Pie.
Drove my shuttle to the puddle but the puddle was dry.
And my old CO was drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing, “Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”
“Goddammit, won’t I ever die?”